


Life is hard, and that's ok

by ramblingsofamadnb



Category: Story of Seasons: Trio of Towns, 牧場物語つながる新天地 | Story of Seasons
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Ford has OCD, Ford has an eating disorder but that isn't mentioned, Ford is jealous, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, I mean it's not my first but it's my first on ao3, I used they/them pronouns for the farmer, I'm sorry this is sad, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, It's Mentioned Once, Local farmer just wants to help but screws everything up oh no, M/M, Near suicide attempt, No Dialogue, Not Beta Read, Sad, Suicidal Thoughts, at least, constructive criticism is always good though, not really - Freeform, this is my first fic please don't be mad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-30 05:21:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11456826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ramblingsofamadnb/pseuds/ramblingsofamadnb
Summary: When Ford is with Wayne, he feels normal. He doesn't feel like everyone is staring at him, like they are secretly calling him a freak.There are detriments to having your only friend be the most caring person in the world.





	Life is hard, and that's ok

**Author's Note:**

> Check me out on tumblr (@theramblingsofamadnb)!

It is summer, and a new farmer moves into the plot of land past the crossroads, and Ford cannot bring himself to care.

They’re confident and sweet and maybe a bit foolhardy. They think they can be farm with no experience in the world. They are a person who grew up privileged, and though they are kind, Ford holds them in disdain. But Wayne likes them, just as he likes everyone.

Ford likes Wayne, so he stays quiet.

Wayne and the new farmer start hanging out more- at first it is just them approaching Wayne, but Wayne starts to go out of his way, to see them.

Ford feels something strange inside of him but he bottles it up.

If Wayne is happy, that’s all that matters.

And Ford reminds himself that he will never be loved and that Wayne’s interest was going to fade eventually.

The feeling, which he knows is jealousy but will not admit it, stays close to his heart and festers.

* * *

 

It is fall, and Wayne comes by, and that new farmer is with him.

And Ford tries and tries to keep himself in check, but it’s too much.

He walks out of the clinic.

Thinking he’d told himself there was a spark between him and Wayne for too long.

He is walking up the trail to the overlook where Wayne told him he went with the new farmer to look at the stars. He does not work out, the climb is more than he is used to, but he ignores it. His OCD roars at him because he is sweaty and out of shape, but he ignores it because he is going to die and nothing will matter anymore.

He reaches the edge of the canyon. Leans on the railing that separates him from a sheer drop and breathes.

He imagines that new farmer touching Wayne-

Kissing him-

Holding his hand-

His own hand grips tighter around the rail. _This isn't logical_ , he says to himself. _You shouldn't feel this way._

_Don't you remember what the kids on the playground used to say?_

_Don’t you remember how you’re not supposed to have feelings?_

Tears have been falling down his cheeks for a while now.

He wonders why Wayne hasn’t followed him, but chastises himself for the thought.

_Wayne doesn’t care about you._

He says to himself,

And it starts to rain.

Ford has considered it before-

Standing over the edge of a cliff,

Pressing a blade to his skin,

Tying a sheet and hanging it in the closet

(He liked the metaphor of that one, dying in the closet).

And that feeling had been gone for so long since he met Wayne- but the thought that Wayne didn't like him anymore…

The thought that none of it mattered drives him back.

Thunder rumbles, he pays it no mind.

He places one foot gingerly on the bottom rung of the railing.

Steels his nerves-

Warmth?

Ford feels someone’s arms wrap around his waist.

Hears someone's sobs-

Not his-

In his ear, Wayne’s voice repeats the word no over and over again.

_No, please, I won’t let it happen again._

But it couldn't be Wayne, Wayne hated him just like-

_Ford, it's me, love, it's me._

He turns around.

Wayne’s face is red and blotchy, tears running down his cheeks.

_Let's go home, love_

He whispers,

Terrified, and Ford feels numb.

But he loves Wayne and he's hurting Wayne.

So he lets himself be led back.

When they get inside, Wayne says over and over how much he loves Ford and how much he cares about him and how sweet he is

Wayne helps him dry off, he doesn't have the energy to do it himself

He helps him change too, into the soft pajamas that he never wears because of insomnia. Wayne seems worried about something, but it is not relevant to him now.

It's the first night they spend in the same bed.

Although Ford’s only half there, to be honest.

The next day, Wayne closes the doctor’s office.

He takes care of Ford,

Because actions are more powerful than words,

He shows his love.

He tells Ford why he was so scared the last night.

About his little sister, who committed suicide.

He blamed himself for it, he should have been there for her.

And so he dedicated himself to making other people feel better, to make sure it never happened again.

And seeing Ford…

Ford feels something stir in his chest, in spite of what’s happened, he worries about Wayne.

Ford tells him why he left home, homophobic parents who tried to send him to conversion therapy-

Wayne squeezes his hand.

A promise of _it will be better here._

A few hours later, Wayne goes to the post office and grabs some cheesy rom coms

(Because Ford says he’s never seen them).

They fall asleep that night in each other’s arms.

And the last thing Ford hears before succumbing to sleep is Wayne's soft _it will be alright._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I love/ need constructive criticism.  
> I have had experience with suicidal ideation. I don't know how to put that feeling down on paper because it aches so much, and I didn't really want to go in depth because of my personal experience.  
> In my mind, Ford has OCD and mild anorexia, but I have not experienced OCD so I didn't want to write about it, and I have had anorexia so it is hard to write about.


End file.
